I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
