how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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