Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
