mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dicks are not precious.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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