Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dignity is for republicans.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
