I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
