Plan B is the new Plan A
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
