everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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