I faked an abortion last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
