Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
