I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
