I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
