Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You dont lie about slip and slides
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
