Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
