so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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