And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
