You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
