Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
