I wish I could punch you in the face.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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