She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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