pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
