it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
