I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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