I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
