I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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