It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
