he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
