It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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