i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So. Much. Porn.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
