if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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