She is in my trunk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
