Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
