U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
