I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
