can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
