I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
