maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
