You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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