nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
