Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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