bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
