i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
