tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
