I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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