Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
