the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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