obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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