He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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