i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
