So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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