At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
