My balls are so social today.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
